


sleeping sickness

by dinosar



Series: tumblr requests [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Coma, Established Relationship, Head Injury, M/M, akaashi and bokuto are the best friends ever honestly, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:44:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosar/pseuds/dinosar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>after kenma's airbag malfunctions when bokuto's car is hit, he's left in a coma that he might not wake up from. kuroo's trying to stay positive, but it's not always easy―he didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have bokuto and akaashi around.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“I always thought birthday wishes were kinda pointless―wishes in general, really. I mean, there's no way they can come true, let's be real here. I never knew what to wish for, anyway. But...this year, I actually have a wish. Crazy, huh? I'm sure you can guess what it is, so I don't have to say it...right? Isn't it bad to say wishes out loud, anyway? I'm already skeptical, I don't wanna make it worse and risk it not coming true if I can help it. So I'll keep it to myself, alright?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <em>My only wish is for you to wake up. It doesn't need to be today, or even tomorrow, just as long as it happens eventually. Don't worry, I can wait as long as you need me to―after all, waiting is something I've gotten pretty damn good at, I think.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	sleeping sickness

**Author's Note:**

> _i awoke only to find my lungs empty,_   
>  _and through the night, so it seems i'm not breathing_   
>  _and now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be_   
>  _and i'm breaking down_   
>  _i think i'm breaking down_   
>  _\- sleeping sickness, city and colour_

There was nothing Kuroo hated more than hospitals.

For starters, there was the smell―like too many cleaning products mixed together, with an ever-present bitter scent of people dying and such hovering beneath it all. Then there was the overall atmosphere―hospitals generally weren't happy places. Everywhere you looked, there was someone who looked tired and strained, weighted down by worry and fear.

But the thing Kuroo hated the most, the thing he was the most bitter about, was the fact that this place, the one place that was supposed to be able to fix you, hadn't been able to fix the most important person in his life.

They'd insisted that head injuries were tricky, unpredictable. That he'd just have to be patient.

Kuroo didn't want to be patient.

On his way to his destination, he ran into a nurse he'd become familiar with throughout this whole ordeal. She was an older woman with a kind wrinkled face, and she'd always been very nice and attentive. She also always gave Kuroo the hard truth, which he greatly appreciated―he was tired of people tiptoeing around him and thinking he couldn't handle knowing what was going on. She made sure he understood everything.

“How is he today?” he asked, knowing he sounded exhausted. He hadn't slept properly since the accident, and it was really wearing him down.

Sympathy shone in her deep brown eyes. “Same as yesterday, I'm afraid,” she replied, sighing. She patted his arm. “Go talk to him, dear, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. I'll be in later to check on him again.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled before moving on and making his way to the room marked '24', where Kenma was.

It hadn't gotten any easier to see him, even after coming every day for the past two weeks. He just...he looked so _small_ , surrounded by machines and such. At first, Kuroo had been too afraid to even touch him, because there was an air of fragility around him that had made the older boy nervous.

He settled into his usual seat beside the head of the bed, taking a deep breath that sounded shaky even to his own ears. _C'mon, Tetsurou, don't cry now,_ he silently told himself, biting the inside of his lip hard and swallowing the lump that was forming in his throat. He was determined not to cry while he was in the room on the off chance that Kenma actually _could_ hear him―he didn't want to upset him.

Reaching out, he gently took Kenma's hand, wincing at how cold it was. He was careful to avoid the needle in it as he gently cupped his hands around it, another wave of emotion hitting him as he did so. Kenma's hands were so small, his fingers thin and bony―Kuroo had always loved toying with them whenever they cuddled, loving how they were dwarfed by his own.

“It's been over a week since the accident, you know,” he began, voice soft. “I know you love to sleep, but isn't sleeping for nine days straight a little extreme? You're making everyone worry. After all, you're the only one who's still in here. Kou was finally released today, by the way―his memory is still a little weird from the concussion, but the doctors said he should be back to normal within a few weeks. Keiji hasn't left him alone at all, and knowing how he is, Kou will be well taken care of. You two really got the worst of it...” He closed his eyes, breathing deeply to stop himself from crying. “If only you hadn't been in the front seat...why did you have to call shotgun, Kenma? And why didn't the airbag in Kou's shitty car go off? If it wasn't for that, you'd probably be okay right now...” His voice lowered to a pained whisper. “It should've been me. I wish it would've been―then I wouldn't have to replay it all in my head over and over again. It messes with my sleep, y'know? I keep seeing your head hit the dashboard. But...I guess if it had been me, then you'd be feeling pretty shitty too, right? There's really no way this could've ended well, is there?”

The whole time he spoke, he'd watched for even the slightest sign that Kenma could hear him, but...he was as still and unresponsive as ever. The only time his body had moved since falling into a coma was when he'd had that seizure on the second day, and that had been terrifying―Kuroo had been ushered out of the room immediately while nurses and doctors swarmed to get the younger boy under control. They'd since put him on some kind of medication to prevent further seizures, which Kuroo was grateful for―he never wanted to have to witness that again.

Gently, he reached up to stroke his boyfriend's hair, careful not to jostle him. Kenma had always loved having his hair played with, after all. “I wish you'd open your eyes,” he murmured, swallowing hard. “I miss seeing that pretty gold. Don't keep me waiting too long, alright? You gotta open them soon, or else...I don't really know what to do. I never really thought about the fact that I might not always have you around. I'd rather not think about it, but apparently with your condition, people don't always wake up. Kenma...you better wake up, alright? Because I'm trying really hard to keep it together but it's so fucking hard to not hear your voice and―fuck, now I'm crying, I'm sorry...” He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, feeling the wetness of his own tears, and he felt the irrational urge to just go somewhere and scream for a while.

*

The doctors said he was suffering from something called Diffuse Axonal Injury, or just DAI. The most common cause of this was car accidents, which was exactly what had happened.

They'd been on a double date with Akaashi and Bokuto, an attempt to do something fun to escape the stress of college. They'd gone out to some hole in the wall ramen joint for supper, followed by a movie―the movie hadn't even been that good, if he was being completely honest. As they were leaving the theatre, Kenma had called shotgun, which Kuroo had complained a lot about since he was tall and the back seat of Bokuto's shitty little car was very cramped. Kenma had shrugged it off, however, and Bokuto had simply clapped him on the back and told him to be faster next time.

They were almost at their apartment when the car had come out of nowhere it seemed, running a red light and heading directly at them. Bokuto had tried slamming on the brakes in an effort to stop before they could collide, but it was too late―they slammed right into the car, and Kuroo watched in horror as Kenma's airbag failed to deploy, leaving him to smash his head into the dashboard in front of him before flinging him back into the seat. Kuroo had felt himself jerk forward violently, but luckily his seatbelt had locked and prevented him from going too far. The same was the case for Akaashi, who appeared dazed but mostly alright. Bokuto's airbag had gone off like it was supposed to, but it had knocked him unconscious.

Kuroo and Akaashi had gotten away with only whiplash, Bokuto with a concussion that had kept him hospitalized for a few days along with a lapse in his memory concerning the accident (and some short term memory problems, but the doctors said that would get better with time).

But Kenma.

His brain had smashed into his skull apparently, and the nurse had said something about something inside tearing that went right over Kuroo's head―he couldn't really remember the terms. But basically, it was something to do with the nerves in his brain, and when―or if―he woke up, he'd most likely require tons of rehabilitation. It was impossible to tell what the lasting effects would be at this point; it could be anything from memory problems to behavioral problems or even physical problems, like the loss of the ability to see or speak. All of that seemed terrifying to Kuroo, and so he couldn't even imagine how Kenma was going to feel when he finally woke up.

If he ever did, that is. Kuroo was trying to be positive, but it was hard―there were so many uncertainties. The doctors couldn't even reassure him, since they didn't even know if he'd ever wake up.

So as much as he didn't want to, Kuroo would be patient. It's all he could do.

*

“How's he doing today?” Akaashi asked from across the table. They were eating lunch together in the hospital cafeteria, since Bokuto had to come in for a check-up. It had been nearly three weeks since the accident, and the doctor had wanted to make sure he was healing properly.

A tired sigh left the older male. “Same as ever. He just...lays there. He doesn't move a muscle. It's scary.”

Akaashi's dark eyes shone with sympathy. “So he hasn't had any more seizures since the first one then?” he questioned, sipping his tea.

Kuroo shook his head. “Thankfully, no. The medication they put him on seems to be doing its job,” he replied, shrugging.

“You look like you haven't slept in weeks, you know.”

A humorless chuckle escaped him. “I pretty much haven't. It takes forever for me to fall asleep, and then once I _do_ fall asleep, I just end up having nightmares that wake me up again. I think the most sleep I've gotten in one night since the accident is maybe four hours.”

The younger boy's eyebrows knit together in concern. “Tetsurou, that's really not healthy. Have you tried sleeping pills?”

“I bought some but I haven't bothered to take them yet,” he answered, sighing and rubbing his face. “I suppose I should start, shouldn't I? I must look terrible, Kenma would kill me for not taking care of myself properly.”

The corners of Akaashi's mouth turned up slightly. “He'd probably tell you that you were being stupid for worrying so much.”

A quiet laugh left the older boy, but it quickly died down when his mouth began to quiver. “I'd give anything to hear his voice, even if it was just to scold me for being an idiot. God, Keiji, it's so hard, I miss him so much...”

Immediately, Akaashi slid his chair over to Kuroo's side of the table and wrapped his arms around him as he began to shake, tears falling in hot tracks down his cheeks. He felt stupid for starting to cry like that, but he knew Akaashi would never make fun of him for it―he was a good guy.

“Don't lose hope, Tetsurou,” he said softly, stroking his hair comfortingly. “I know that the statistics are a little scary, but there's still a chance he'll wake up. Even if it takes some time. So don't give up on him yet, alright?”

Silently, he nodded, his throat feeling too thick to actually try and get the words out. His tears were already starting to slow, and he was starting to feel a little embarrassed. After all, he'd started crying in the middle of the cafeteria, and people were no doubt staring.

He finally pulled away a few moments later, wiping at his face with the sleeve of his shirt and taking a deep breath to compose himself. Clearing his throat, he offered Akaashi a small smile. “Thanks, man. For letting me cry on you _and_ for saying all of that...I think I needed to hear it.”

“You can come over any time, you know that right? Koutarou and I are here for you, you don't have to be alone in your apartment or here all the time. We don't mind visiting him with you, either,” he told him, moving his chair back to its original spot. “Honestly, if you wanted to stay with us for a bit, it wouldn't be a problem.”

Kuroo was touched, but he shook his head. “I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn't wanna impose or anything. Plus I couldn't leave Sayuri and Aki alone―and you're allergic to cats so it's not like I could bring them,” he replied, shrugging. “I probably will take you up on your offer to visit with me, though, because it does get a little lonely here...”

“How about we go straight to Kenma's room once Koutarou is done with the doctor? He and I have nothing to do today after all,” Akaashi offered, tilting his head to the side a little.

“Sure, if you really don't mind―”

“Hey hey hey! There's my main men!” Kuroo looked over to find Bokuto coming toward their table, a wide grin on his face. “Tetsu, man, it's been a few days, hasn't it? How ya been? You look like a zombie!”

Kuroo didn't bother reminding him that he'd already seen him that day when he and Akaashi had arrived at the hospital, knowing it frustrated him to know that he was forgetting stuff. “I've been...well, I wouldn't say _okay_ , but I'm surviving, y'know? What about you, huh? What did the doctor say?” he asked, wanting to shift the attention from himself.

“He says everything's lookin' real good! I'm right on track to being back to normal,” he replied with a wink. “Keiji's a real saint for puttin' up with me―I've been losing stuff like crazy because I keep forgetting where I put it...I even lost the keys to the rental car today and almost made us late, whoops!”

Akaashi sighed, an amused smile on his face. “It's not as if you can help it,” he pointed out.

“I guess,” Bokuto answered, rubbing the back of his neck. “So, are we leaving, or what?”

“I told Tetsurou we'd visit Kenma with him,” Akaashi told him, standing from his seat as he finished the last of his tea. Kuroo followed suit, and the two of them threw out the remnants of their lunch before heading towards the wing where Kenma was.

“How's he doin'?” Bokuto questioned, sounding more subdued than moments before.

“There's been no changes at all...it's frustrating,” replied Kuroo as he raked a hand through his wild hair, mussing it even more. “I wish there was some way to know if he's even going to wake up...there's so much that even the doctors don't know, and it's terrifying.”

“...what do you think you'll do if he doesn't wake up?”

Akaashi elbowed Bokuto in the gut, looking horrified. “Koutarou!” he hissed, glaring.

“What? It's a valid question!”

Meanwhile, Kuroo felt like he might be sick. Of course, it was something he'd often asked himself late at night when he couldn't sleep, but hearing someone else ask it was so much harder... “Honestly? I don't know. I really don't wanna even _think_ about it, even though I know it's something I have to consider. I know he'd want me to get on with my life and see other people, but to be completely honest? I don't think I could.” The thought of even _trying_ to move on made bile rise in his throat, and he quickly forced himself to take deep, even breaths. He didn't ever want to be with anyone else―it was Kenma or no one.

An awkward silence fell, and they continued to Kenma's room without a word. It was when they finally reached the door that Bokuto turned to him, looking properly abashed after being glared at by Akaashi the whole way there. “Look, man, I'm sorry I asked. I'm just worried about you, y'know? I've never seen you this unhappy, and I don't want you to be like this forever. You don't even _look_ like yourself, Tetsu. I haven't seen your shitty grin in ages, and I know I've been forgetful lately, but I can tell you haven't smiled like that in a while.”

“It's okay...I'm sorry that I'm worrying you, it's just...it's hard to be happy in this situation,” Kuroo sighed, leaning against the wall and stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I love him so much, Kou, and I hate seeing him like this. I hate being so _powerless_. Literally all I can do is sit and wait, and it makes me feel so useless―stupid, I know, but I can't help it. I wish there was something I could do, but I can't do anything at all and it's a really shitty feeling. I feel like I'm failing him or something.” His eyes stung with tears once more, and a bitter laugh escaped him. “I feel like all I ever do anymore is cry, this is so fucking pathetic,” he whispered, pressing his palms to his eyes and taking a deep breath. He felt two sets of arms surround him, which he was grateful for when his legs decided to give out. Bokuto and Akaashi held him up, hugging him tight as he sobbed against them, violent tremors tearing through his body as he let out everything he'd been trying to hold in. He hadn't said any of that stuff out loud before.

“You aren't pathetic for crying, Tetsurou,” Akaashi told him, his voice gentle.

“Just let it all out, buddy,” Bokuto added, rubbing his back.

“I just need him to wake up...I can't lose him...” His voice cracked, and a wave of nausea overcame him. “Shit, I think I'm gonna be sick,” he breathed, shoving away from his friends to run to the nearest bathroom, where he promptly threw up everything he'd managed to eat that day (which admittedly wasn't a lot, he hadn't had much of an appetite as of late). He wasn't alone for long―he soon felt gentle hands rubbing his back, soothing him as he gagged and heaved into the toilet bowl. He peeked behind him to find that it was Akaashi, whose dark eyes watched him with worry.

He heard footsteps, and then Bokuto was pressing a bottle of water into his hands. He was frowning, his forehead wrinkled with concern, and all Kuroo could think about was that the look didn't suit him in the least.

“Are you alright?” his best friend asked as he sipped at the water carefully, shakily standing and flushing the toilet.

“I think so...sorry, I don't know why that happened,” he mumbled in reply, heading to the sink to rinse his mouth out. When he turned around, Akaashi was wordlessly handing him a stick of gum, which he took with a quiet “thanks.”

“C'mon, let's go sit down―you look like you're about to fall over,” Bokuto told him, wrapping an arm around him.

Kuroo was certain he didn't deserve such good, patient friends.

*

“Hey, I know you're bad at keeping track of the days since you always have your face stuck in your psp, but...this is the first time since we've known each other you haven't said happy birthday to me. It always made me really happy that you always remembered, since half the time you didn't even realize when it was your own birthday―I felt important, y'know? So I guess I'm a little sad right now. I know it's not your fault, though, and that kinda makes it a lot worse. I can deal with forgetfulness, but...this is a little harder to swallow.

“Bokuto wanted to throw me a party, but I told him I didn't really feel like partying. I just wanted to spend my day with you, even though you're a little more quiet than usual. We've spent all our birthdays together since we met, after all―I was here for your birthday last month, even though you probably didn't notice. I don't even think you can hear me right now, but it's alright; if I talk to you, I can pretend you're just ignoring me or something. It's a hell of a lot better than the silence.

“I always thought birthday wishes were kinda pointless―wishes in general, really. I mean, there's no way they can come true, let's be real here. I never knew what to wish for, anyway. But...this year, I actually have a wish. Crazy, huh? I'm sure you can guess what it is, so I don't have to say it...right? Isn't it bad to say wishes out loud, anyway? I'm already skeptical, I don't wanna make it worse and risk it not coming true if I can help it. So I'll keep it to myself, alright?”

_My only wish is for you to wake up. It doesn't need to be today, or even tomorrow, just as long as it happens eventually. Don't worry, I can wait as long as you need me to_ _―after all, waiting is something I've gotten pretty damn good at_ _, I think._

*

It figured that the first restful sleep he'd gotten in the past two and a half months would be disturbed.

Kuroo woke up due to a gentle hand shaking his shoulder, along with the insistent murmuring of “Kuroo-kun, wake up! This is important, hurry!”

He managed to crack his eyes open, feeling completely disoriented as he slowly blinked to try and clear the haze of sleep from his brain. His back was aching from falling asleep sitting up―why was he sleeping in a chair, anyway?

Right. He was still at the hospital.

He looked up once he was able to actually keep his eyes open, finding the kind old nurse he'd become acquainted with. Her expression was uncharacteristically unreadable, which immediately set him on edge. “Kana-san? What is it?” he questioned, voice thick with sleep.

“Kozume-san is coming out of it, Kuroo-kun.”

What.

“C-could you repeat that?” There was no way she'd just said what he thought she'd said.

Her eyes were soft as she repeated, “He's coming out of it. He's waking up, dear.” She stepped away, heading toward the door and turning back toward him once she was there. “I'm going to get the doctor, but I wanted to wake you up right away. Remember what we've talked about, alright?”

Feeling dazed and somewhat convinced that he was dreaming, he nodded dumbly, watching as she left the room hurriedly. His brown eyes moved to Kenma, who was shifting in the bed and making soft noises.

“Holy shit, this is real,” he breathed, pinching himself just to make sure.

Remembering what Kana-san had been explaining to him over the past couple months, he stayed put in his chair even though he desperately wanted to reach out to take Kenma's hand.

_Physical contact isn't always welcome, but sometimes it can be a source of comfort―wait until you know for sure before touching him. He's going to be very disoriented for a little while, so try to be patient with him. We don't know what problems he's going to have when he wakes up, so you need to stay as calm and collected as possible no matter what―if you panic, chances are he'll panic even more. He's most likely not going to be himself, so be prepared for that. Just be as supportive as you can. Remember to speak slowly in short sentences, you wouldn't want to overwhelm him after all._

Right. He could do all of that. No problem.

Kana-san returned with the doctor. The two exchanged quiet words that Kuroo didn't even pay attention to―all of his attention was on Kenma. He wanted to cry with relief as he watched how those thin fingers twitched, how his nose and eyes would scrunch up before smoothing out again. He'd been so terrified that he'd never see him move again, and he felt his eyes filling with tears against his will. With shaking hands, he pulled his phone out of his pocket to send a message.

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:21 pm_  
_holy shit he's waking up_

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:21 pm_  
_he's fucking moving kou_

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:21pm_  
_his fingers are twitching and hes making SOUNDS_

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:22 pm_  
_i think im gonna pass out_

His phone buzzed a moment later with a reply.

_From: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:23 pm_  
_HOLY SHIT DO U WANT US TO COME UP THERE_

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:23 pm_  
_idk he's not fully awake yet and idk if crowding him is the best idea_

_To: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:24 pm_  
_i'll let u know when he's more awake_

_From: owl fucker_  
_November 29 th, 7:25 pm_  
_TEXT ME AS SOON AS U KNOW HOLY SHIT_

Kuroo tucked his phone back into his pocket, feeling jittery and impatient and excited all at once. There was also the underlying nerves, the fear of what exactly Kenma would be like when he woke up. It didn't really matter, he supposed, as long as he was going to be _okay_.

When his eyes finally cracked open, Kuroo's heart stopped.

He'd nearly forgotten how gorgeous Kenma's eyes were. He'd had pictures, of course, but those could never compare to the real thing.

The younger boy blinked slowly, his brow furrowing. He turned his gaze to Kana-san and the doctor, opening his mouth and licking his lips. “K―” The furrow deepened, and Kuroo let out a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding. “W-whe...?”

“I'm here,” the black-haired boy managed to choke out through the lump in his throat, his voice cracking embarrassingly. “I'm right here, Kenma...”

Following his voice, Kenma turned his head, finally looking at him. He looked confused and scared, and Kuroo hated it. “W...ha...?” His lip quivered, eyes filling with tears, and Kuroo immediately lurched forward to take his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to calm him. It seemed to do the trick―his body, which had been tense, went completely limp, although he squeezed Kuroo's hand as though his life depended on it.

“Kozume-san,” the doctor began, her voice slow and soothing. “Do you know where you are?”

He blinked hard, tearing his gaze from Kuroo to look at the doctor once more. “H...h-h?”

“Hospital. Right? Is that what you were trying to say?” she questioned. He nodded slowly, uncertainly, and clearly it had been a struggle to try and say the word. Kuroo felt as if a rock had settled in the pit of his stomach.

The doctor nodded encouragingly. “Do you know why you're here?”

Kenma opened his mouth to answer, but seemed to change his mind in favor of simply shaking his head slowly. His hand had tightened around Kuroo's weakly, and he gave an answering squeeze.

“You were in a car accident. You hit your head, and you've been sleeping for a little while,” the doctor explained. “I'm need to examine you now, alright? I promise it won't hurt.”

Kenma's eyes were wide with fright, but he nodded regardless; however, not once did he let go of Kuroo's hand as she ran routine tests to see the extent of the damage.

His reflexes were a little slow and he didn't have a lot of strength, but so far things were looking pretty good, other than the fact that he was struggling to speak.

But then she got to examining his eyes.

“Can you close your right eye for me?” she asked him. He looked at her in confusion, and she offered him an encouraging smile and pointed to the correct eye. “This one.” He did as he was asked, and she immediately shone a light in his left eye to check it out. When she found nothing of concern, she asked him to open his right eye and close the left so what she could repeat the process. When he started making distressed noises, however, she stopped. “Kozume-san?” she questioned.

“D...dar...k-k,” he whimpered, a tear falling from his open eye.

“Okay, you can open your eye.” She quickly wiped the concerned look from her face, replacing it with the same encouraging smile from before. Meanwhile Kuroo was gaping, his face gone completely pale. Kana-san cleared her throat, which quickly made him close his mouth―it was harder than he thought it would be to stay calm and composed, but he had to. Kenma was already scared enough.

And apparently, he couldn't see anything out of his right eye.

The doctor carried on in her examination, finishing within moments. “Alright, Kozume-san, that's it. Do you have a headache?” Slowly, he nodded. “Kana-san will give you some pain medication for that, then. I'll be back to check on you tomorrow, alright? I'm very glad to see that you're awake.” With that, she left, motioning for Kana-san to follow her.

Kenma turned back to Kuroo, and the older boy swallowed hard before reaching out to stroke his boyfriend's hair. It had gotten quite long―it brushed against his collarbones, and the roots were almost halfway down his head. Kuroo still thought he was beautiful anyway.

Kenma relaxed into his touch, allowing his eyes to close. An irrational spike of fear went through Kuroo at that, and he quickly began to speak. “Hey, keep your eyes open? For me? I missed seeing them.” He did his best to speak in a calm tone, trying not to let any fear leak into his voice, but he wasn't sure if he'd fully succeeded or not.

Blearily, his eyes reopened, and the older boy sighed with relief. He opened his mouth and tried to speak, eyebrows knitting together when he couldn't get out whatever it was that he wanted to say. He ended up biting his lip instead, eyes filling with tears once more, and Kuroo felt his heart break.

Gently, he wiped away the smaller boy's tears with his thumbs before leaning in to kiss his forehead, followed by both of his eyelids before finally pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I know you're frustrated,” he murmured, miraculously managing to keep his voice even. “I wish I could read your mind. But it's alright, Kenma―you don't have to say anything. I love you, okay?”

Kenma nodded, more tears spilling over. Shakily, he put his hands together to form a slightly lopsided heart, and Kuroo had never wanted to cry as much as he did in that moment.

*

“Are you excited to go home? Sayuri and Aki have missed you a lot, they're going to be happy to see you. Well, in an asshole cat way.”

His only response was a soft, disinterested hum. Glancing over out of the corner of his eye, he found Kenma looking listlessly out the window.

Kuroo stopped himself from sighing. Kenma had been like this for the past couple weeks―although he'd been slowly recovering his vocabulary, he often didn't speak outside of speech therapy.

“Keiji is making us dinner...I hope he kept Kou out of the kitchen, I'd rather not have our apartment burn down,” he joked, trying to grin. He was sure it looked like more of a grimace, but Kenma wasn't looking at him anyway so it wasn't as if he'd see it.

He was doing his best to keep Kenma thinking positively and keep his mind off of things that would upset him, but it was hard. Ever since he'd fully realized that he was blind in one eye, he'd retreated into himself. He hadn't even tried playing anything on his psp, even though Kuroo had made sure it was always within reach along with a stack of games. He just sat in silence, and Kuroo really was doing his best but it frustrated him that he couldn't do more.

He'd been assured that this was a normal thing. Often, people who'd endured traumatic brain injuries underwent dramatic changes in mood and temperament―their emotions were often amplified, good or bad. Another common side effect was depression, which was something that could only be sorted out with time and support.

So far, Kuroo had seen the anger and the depression. There were tears the first couple of nights, but Kenma hadn't cried since then. Now, he got angry very easily, often giving Kuroo the cold shoulder over something as trivial as putting a show he didn't want to watch on the small tv in his hospital room. He also got annoyed when Kuroo tried to help him do things, but the older boy couldn't help wanting to help him. It was so frustrating, but he knew he had to be patient. He'd been told that getting him back into his regular environment could help, so he was hoping that being home would improve his mood.

Kenma was ignoring him now because Kuroo had tied his shoes for him at the hospital, something he'd spent fifteen minutes trying to do on his own. Kuroo hadn't been able to stand watching him struggle any longer than that, so he'd gently brushed the younger boy's hands aside, voice soft as he said, “Let me do it, okay?”

He knew Kenma was feeling humiliated over the fact that he couldn't do simple things on his own anymore. He could barely even walk around without bumping into _something_ due to the loss of vision in his right eye―he couldn't see what he was going to walk into until it was too late. Kuroo's heart ached seeing him so frustrated with himself; he hadn't asked for something like this to happen to him, but now it had and he had to suffer.

It wasn't fair.

When they arrived at their apartment building, Kuroo immediately got out and grabbed Kenma's bag from the back seat before helping his boyfriend out of the car by the hand, steadying him when he wobbled. He was still quite weak, and moving around too much tired him easily.

Which brought Kuroo to his next problem.

“Kenma, babe, the elevator is broken right now...so is it alright if I carry you up the stairs? I just don't want you to get too tired or hurt yourself...” he said slowly, bracing himself for anger.

Instead, Kenma only seemed resigned as he nodded, avoiding his boyfriend's eyes. Kuroo's eyes softened, and he gently took the shorter boy's hand and brought it to his mouth, where he pressed a kiss to each of his fingertips before giving it a gentle squeeze. “I know you're really frustrated, but you don't have to feel embarrassed about relying on me, okay? I just want you to be alright.”

Kenma's lip began to quiver, and he averted his eyes downward as he whispered, “S-sor-ry...for b-being mean...”

Gently, Kuroo tilted his chin up, brown eyes sad. “No, don't apologize, okay? There's nothing you have to apologize for. You're going through a lot, your body isn't working the way you want it to, and I know how hard that must be. I can deal with a little grumpiness, okay? Please don't feel bad,” he murmured, stroking his cheek. “I'm not gonna stop loving you, okay? I'm gonna be right here with you through this whole thing, nothing will change that.”

Kenma lurched forward and buried his face in Kuroo's chest, taking shaky breaths before nodding. He allowed himself to be led toward the door to the apartment building, wrapping his arms around Kuroo's neck as he was lifted bridal-style. Kuroo held him as gently as he could as he made his way up four flights of stairs, which wasn't exactly the easiest thing to accomplish. Kenma was very light, though―he'd lost a lot of weight during his hospital stay.

That needed to be fixed.

He let him down as soon as they reached the door, digging the keys from his pocket. With a smile, he held them out. “You wanna do it?” he offered.

Gingerly, Kenma took the keys from his hand, staring at them for a moment. “I don't...” His nose scrunched up, and Kuroo immediately understood why he was trying to say. He quickly pointed out the right key, and Kenma lowered it toward the door. On his first try, he completely missed the doorknob, accidentally jabbing the key into the wood of the door. Undeterred, however, he slid the key lightly along the wood and up over the doorknob, a triumphant smile on his face when he managed to slide it into the lock. His depth perception and hand-eye coordination had been so screwed up because of the changes in his vision, so it made things like this a lot harder to do. Kuroo was proud that he'd managed to do it.

He turned the key until the lock clicked, pulling it out and handing it it back to Kuroo. He allowed his hand to rest on the doorknob, an uncertain look on his face, but Kuroo only nodded encouragingly. “Go ahead,” he told him, taking his free hand.

Taking a deep breath, he turned the doorknob, allowing the door to fall open. They stepped inside together, and Kuroo knelt down to untie Kenma's shoes before kicking his own off and calling out, “We're home!”

“Welcome home!” they heard two voices call from the kitchen. There was also the tinkling of bells, and then both of the cats were rubbing against Kenma's legs, meowing loudly and purring. Kuroo was alarmed when he saw him tear up, but then Kenma smiled and he knew it was alright.

“Looks like Aki-chan and Sayuri-chan really have missed you, huh?” Bokuto said from across the room. He was grinning, yellow eyes bright, as he made his way over to ruffle Kenma's hair. “You look like you could use a haircut and another dye job,” he teased.

“Ass,” Kenma grumbled, causing Kuroo to burst out laughing.

“Couldn't have said it better myself,” he chuckled, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend's temple.

“Keiji, Kenma-chan is being mean to me!” Bokuto whined, turning his head toward the kitchen

Akaashi appeared in the doorway, a wry smile on his face. “You probably deserved it.”

“What did I do to deserve this?” the white-haired boy wailed. “I need nicer friends!”

Kuroo shoved him playfully, a grin on his face. “You're such a drama queen, Kou.”

Too quickly for Kuroo to even think about escaping, Bokuto had him in a headlock, his knuckles digging into his skull. “What did you say? Huh? I don't think I heard you!”

Kuroo laughed, pinching his arm in an effort to get him to let go. “I said that you're a very handsome and wonderful friend,” he amended, finally managing to wiggle out of his grip.

Bokuto smiled smugly. “That's what I thought.”

“If you savages are done roughhousing, the food is ready,” Akaashi announced before turning and heading back to the kitchen.

Kuroo took Kenma's bag to their bedroom, trusting Bokuto to get the smaller boy to the kitchen in one piece. He could hear him loudly going on about how he and Akaashi had spent all day cleaning the apartment because “your boyfriend is a slob, how do you live with him?” Shaking his head in amusement (and making a mental note to thank Bokuto and Akaashi later), he headed out to the kitchen to sit at the table with everyone else.

“Thank you for the meal,” he murmured before digging in to the delicious looking food that had been placed in front of him. Akaashi was a great cook―Kuroo never turned down anything he made, not that he often turned down food anyway, but still.

“Th-than-k yo-ou for the m-meal,” Kenma echoed, looking down at his lap self-consciously. Kuroo reached over to rub his back with the hand not holding his chopsticks, and he felt the tension dissipate from his small shoulders.

Akaashi had had the foresight to make food that would be easier for Kenma to eat, and he thankfully made it through his meal with minimal problems. He hadn't finished everything on his plate, however, and when Kuroo had asked why, he simply got a shrug and a shake of his head. He hadn't had much of an appetite, he knew, and it was worrisome, but the doctor had promised it would return to normal over time as long as he gradually increased the amount of food he ate.

They sat at the table for a little while after they finished eating, just talking. Kenma was leaning tiredly against Kuroo's side, and the taller boy made sure to play with his hair while also pressing kisses to his forehead often.

“Kuroo,” he mumbled after a while, tugging his shirt. “Tired. Hurts,” he added, eyes drooping tiredly.

“You wanna go take a nap?” he asked softly, sliding his fingers through the smaller boy's hair and smoothing it back out of his face. He got a nod in response, so he promised Bokuto and Akaashi that he'd be right back before scooping Kenma up into his arms and carrying him to their bedroom. Kuroo got him tucked into bed and helped him get comfortable before ducking out to grab a glass of water so that he could take his headache pills. He handed the glass to the younger boy upon returning, digging in his bag for the right bottle of pills and shaking one into his hand so that he could give it to Kenma. He watched as he popped it into his mouth, gulping the water down until the glass was empty.

“Say thanks f-for me?”

Kuroo blinked, surprised by how well the sentence came out. But he nodded, gaze soft with love and pride. “I will. Have a good nap, alright? I'll come lay down with you once they're gone.” He heard a bell jingle, turning to find Aki's scruffy body jump up onto the bed. He immediately curled up next to Kenma, causing the golden-eyed boy to smile softly as he reached out to stroke his fluffy black fur. “Keep him company for me, Aki-chan,” he murmured, scratching the cat behind his ear and making him purr.

Shyly, Kenma leaned up to kiss Kuroo, leaning back into the pillow and making a heart with his hands, as he tended to do in favor of trying to speak the words lately. It always made Kuroo's heart clench, but it was starting to be a good clench. It was like their new thing.

He returned the gesture, ducking down for one more kiss. He then headed to the window to close the curtains, flipping the night light on and the overhead light off. Kenma had always been scared of the dark, so the night light was a comfort to him.

Kuroo closed the door slowly, heading back to the kitchen. The table had already been cleared, and his friends were in the midst of washing and drying all of the dishes.

“Guys, you don't have to do that, you've done enough,” he protested.

Bokuto turned with a scoff, waving a soapy finger at him. “Shut the fuck up Tetsu, let us do this for you. You've been running yourself ragged lately, so what you're gonna do is go lay down with Kenma and let us finish up here. Got it?” he said in a no-nonsense tone.

Kuroo turned to Akaashi, who simply shrugged. “What Koutarou said.”

Seeing that it was a battle he'd lose, Kuroo finally nodded. “Thank you, guys. I really appreciate everything you've done for me in the past few months―I don't know where I'd be without the two of you, to be completely honest. Kenma wanted me to tell you thank you too. We really appreciate you both...”

“Man, go lay down before you make me cry,” Bokuto mumbled, sniffling a little.

Akaashi smiled fondly before rolling his eyes. “You don't have to thank us, we did what any good friends would do,” he told him, his tone nonchalant. “If it had been one of us instead, I'm sure you and Kenma would've done the same.”

“Still, I felt like I should thank you. But you've tempted me with the prospect of laying down, so I suppose I'll go now. I'll call or text you guys later, remember to lock the door on your way out,” he said, waving his hand before ducking back into the bedroom, where Kenma was already sleeping. Without meaning to, he felt himself smile―it was so nice to see Kenma sleeping in their bed again. He felt like maybe things could finally return to normal.

Pulling his shirt over his head and kicking his jeans off to get more comfortable, he climbed under the blankets and carefully pulled Kenma close. He shifted a little, a soft noise escaping his throat, before his eyes cracked open the slightest bit. “Kuroo?” he questioned groggily.

“Shh, go back to sleep, it's alright,” the taller boy whispered, kissing his cheek.

Kenma made a vaguely affirmative sound, pressing himself even closer to Kuroo's warmth, and Kuroo didn't think he'd ever fallen asleep so fast in his life.

*

Kuroo was very confused when he woke up in the dark.

The night light had been on when he fell asleep, he was sure of it, but the room was completely dark.

But that wasn't even the most distressing thing.

Kenma's side of the bed was empty, the sheets cold―it seemed he hadn't been in the bed for a while. Kuroo fought down a wave of panic, rationalizing that he couldn't have gone far. He'd had trouble sleeping for long periods of time since waking up from his coma, so he was probably out watching tv or something.

Except...Kuroo couldn't hear the tv.

Aki raised his head when Kuroo accidentally jostled him, a soft meow escaping him. Kuroo gave him a quick pat before sliding out of bed and creeping over to the door, pulling it open. Sayuri immediately ran through his legs into the bedroom, seemingly annoyed that she'd been locked out, but he paid her no mind as he slowly made his way out to the living room. The entire apartment was dark, and it set his nerves on edge.

When he got to the living room, he swore as he nearly tripped over something hard that was on the floor. He heard a distressed sound, and his head immediately whipped toward the couch. He could barely make out Kenma's shape in the weak moonlight that filtered in through the window, and he quickly made his way over.

“Kenma, babe, it's just me,” he said in a soothing tone, sitting carefully on the couch to make sure he didn't accidentally sit on the shorter boy's legs or anything.

A strangled sound left Kenma's mouth, and then Kuroo suddenly had an armful of him as he crawled into his lap. His entire body was shaking, his face was wet, and Kuroo's protective instincts immediately kicked in.

“Kenma, what happened? Why are you sitting out here in the dark?” he asked softly, rubbing his back. His skin was cold even through his shirt, so Kuroo immediately grabbed the blanket that hung over the arm of the couch to drape it over his shivering form.

“Wanted―tried to―couldn't―” Frustrated that the words wouldn't come out, he screamed into Kuroo's neck, shaking even harder.

“Shh, shh, slow down. Take a deep breath, alright? I can't understand what you're trying to say, so you gotta calm down a little, alright?” He spoke slowly, as one might speak to a wild animal. He didn't want to upset him further, but he honestly had no clue what he was trying to say and he knew it was harder for him to talk when he was agitated.

He felt Kenma take a few deep, shuddering breaths in an effort to calm himself. Kuroo played with his hair absently in an effort to help soothe him, and after a few moments of this, the shaking gradually stopped.

“Useless,” he heard his boyfriend whisper, and for a moment he thought he was the one being called useless. But then he said, a little more clearly, “'M u-useless. Can't d-do anyth-thing r-ri-ight...”

“Hey, you know that's not true...” Kuroo gently pushed him away so that he could look at his face, though he could barely see it in the dark. “Why do you say that?”

Kenma sniffled, reaching up to rub his eye. “I tried t-to―my psp, I―broke it...was angry...”

Was that what he'd nearly tripped over? It must have been. Eyebrows drawn together, he tried to piece everything together. “Okay, you were playing your psp, but you got mad and broke it? Is that what happened?” he asked. Kenma nodded. “Why did you get mad?”

Kenma began to tremble once more, soft sniffles escaping him. “C-couldn't―didn't kn-know the combos now, couldn't th-th-ink―”

“Okay, it's alright, I understand.” It was too hard to hear him trying to force the words out, and trying to speak was clearly making him more upset anyway. “You don't have to talk anymore, don't worry, you did a good job of telling me,” he assured him, pulling him back to his chest. “Alright, so you were mad because you couldn't remember the combos, and it was too hard to think about it. Gotcha.” He felt awful for Kenma―video games were important to him, and now he couldn't even play them properly?

“I h-h-hate this...” Kenma mumbled, clutching Kuroo's shoulders tightly.

“I know, babe, I know,” he soothed, rubbing his back. “We'll tell the doctor when you go in for your check-up, alright? Find out if there's a way to make it better. I-I don't know, Kenma, I don't know what else we can do―” He cut himself off, biting the inside of his lip as his eyes filled with tears. “I wish I could make everything better,” he choked out. “I'm sorry, I didn't wanna cry...I can't even comfort you properly, I'm so useless...”

Kenma pulled back, and then small fingers were catching the tears that were slipping down his cheeks. He narrowly avoided being poked in the eye when Kenma's aim was a little off, but it didn't bother him.

“Not useless,” he said firmly after a moment, sounding the steadiest Kuroo had heard him since he woke up. “Lucky t-to have you.” He seemed frustrated that he'd stumbled a little that time, but he didn't let it deter him from adding, “Love y-you. Thank― you.”

“Kenma...” He was crying even harder now, but it didn't matter. “I love you too, okay? You don't have to thank me for anything, I don't want you to think like that alright? We'll figure this out...”

It would be hard, and there would be tons of challenges―that much he knew. But he loved Kenma unconditionally, and no matter what problems developed, he'd be right by his side to help him overcome every challenge in his way. It was all he could do, after all, and so he was going to do the best he could to make Kenma's life easier from now on.

“You didn't sleep much, did you? I kinda passed out, I'm sorry...” he said quietly, taking a deep breath as he wiped at his face. “You should take one of your sleeping pills. I'll stay with you while you sleep, don't worry,” he promised, already standing with Kenma in his arms.

Kuroo felt a nod against his shoulder, and so he took him to the kitchen for a glass of water before carrying him back to their room and giving him the correct pill to take. Once he'd finished all the water in his glass, Kuroo laid him down on the bed and crawled in beside him, hugging him to his chest. He kissed his lips, his cheeks, the tip of his nose and his forehead, drawing the smallest laugh from the younger boy as he tangled their legs together and nuzzled his face into Kuroo's chest, pressing a kiss over his heart.

Yeah, maybe things would be hard and there would be tons of challenges to face, but Kuroo knew they'd be alright. Kenma may have changed a little, but the older boy didn't love him any less for it―he was still Kenma, and that was all that mattered. He'd stick by him and be the best support he could possibly be.

They'd face everything life threw at them as they always had―as a team.

**Author's Note:**

> (can u tell i got lazy at the end)
> 
> this took a very long time to write, wow
> 
> it was only supposed to be like 2000 words but i guess i got a little carried away, whoops?
> 
> i was gonna split this into 2 chapters but i couldn't decide where i wanted to cut it so i didn't bother lmao. it's fine as just one chapter, right?
> 
> i tried to do as much research as i could on brain injuries and such, but i'm obviously not an expert, so i'm sure i got a few things wrong...oh well, i did my best lmao
> 
> hmu on [tumblr](http://nehkoma.tumblr.com) and cry about sports anime with me, yeah?


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